Just the Beginning

I really feel like God's been trying to open my eyes to the way I've been acting lately. Martha spoke today on how love is not Prideful or Rude and she pointed out ways in which love is prideful and then ways love is humble. OMG I was feeling convicted almost the whole service! Never did i think that i was being as prideful as I really am and it made me really think about the way I act and the things i say.

These past few weeks have been really hard for me with just managing my time and then with a bunch of outside things going on and I've really been praying that God would take control of the situation and that I wouldn't have to worry about it as much and I feel like that's exactly what He's done. Something about today just gave me an overwhelming peace that He has every problem i have, in the palm of his hand and i just need to stop complaining and trust him. It reminds me of the Israelites when God promised them the Promise Land and all they did was complain to the point of God not letting them have it anymore but giving it to their ancestors instead. It was really just like a wake up call from God today.

I know God is still opening up my eyes to things and growing me in a lot of different ways, but I'm more then excited to be on this Journey with him :)

A Heart Doesn’t Break Even…

When it came to the last relationship I was in, and even the one before that, I’ve had a problem with making that person my life. That’s a problem because then when their not there anymore, I’m left feeling alone and broken. That’s why in my last blog I said that God is really showing me how real love is supposed to be and how he needs to be the center of the relationship. I’m praying that the next relationship I am in, I am smart enough to remember this and that if it were to end that I would be okay. Hurt yes, obviously. But not broken down to the point of no return.

            My last relationship lasted 2 and ½ years and I was dead set on the fact that I was going to marry this guy. He was my best friend and we had so much history. My family loved him and his family loved me, all our friends knew us as together and nothing else. We broke up about 5 months ago and it was one of the hardest times in my life. Letting him go was something my head told me needed to be done but something my heart refused to do. And that’s exactly what happened. I broke up with him physically, but not emotionally. I was still tied to him in every way in my heart and I couldn’t stop, even when I started seeing someone else.

            I figured if I couldn’t let go of him on my own, then I was going to find someone else to make me happy. And that’s just what I did, but that hurt me more then I could have ever guessed. I picked a guy where I only saw the qualities that I didn’t see in my ex and ignored all the qualities he had that I didn’t like. He had also just got out a serious relationship, so we were both extremely stupid in starting this relationship. We hurt each other more then anyone we had ever hurt before and I think in the back of our minds, we saw it coming. We knew deep inside that we still loved the people we were with before but we were so hurt by them, that we were determined to make “us” work even if it killed us.

            We ended up hurting each other and the people we loved more then we ever thought we would and we broke a lot of friendships apart as well. We no longer talk, but that’s definitely for the best. What I didn’t realize is that instead of running to another guy to try and make me feel loved and wanted, I should have been running to God. I should have been on my knees praying or God to help me through and he would have.

Throughout these past 5 months, I’ve noticed so much change in not just my life, but in myself. I’m more independent when it comes to relationships, I’m not bad at being alone anymore, and I’ve learned to really trust that God has a reason and plan for everything. I don’t worry anymore if I’m supposed to be with someone or if I’m missing my chance at my one real true love. When that guy comes, whether I know him already or not, God is not going to let us just walk away from each other; He will bring us together, one way or another. And I put my trust in that and in His power.

Relationships and love can be difficult, but God tells us how it works and how we’re supposed to love. I’m slowly realizing that and its making things so much easier J

All you Need is Love

So as I said in my last blog, love and relationships has really been something God is working on me with. I feel like he’s tearing down everything I’ve once known about love and rebuilding it all about it Him. He’s opening my eyes to the kind of love that he shows me and how I need to have a love like that. Everything that I thought love was about, it now something that barley even matters. Our pastor, Matt Fry, has been doing a series on Love, which I find to be not just a “coincidence” but more of a God thing. He’s reading through 1 Corinthians 13, which is the book in the bible all about what Love is and that without it, everything is pointless. To me, it relates to God dying on the cross and the love he has for us because without that Love, his death would have done nothing.

            When it comes to love, I think the main problem with relationships is we tend to make them either all about ourselves or all about the other person. When we are supposed to be making God the main center and then everything else will fall into place. I pray God continues to broaden my understanding about Love and that he gives me the right mindset on how things are supposed to be when I do decide to date again.

Caught up in love like an Avalanche

I can't even begin to explain all the things God is doing in my life right now. I started an internship at my church about a month ago and just in that short month, God has already filled my life with amazing friends, God-driven leaders, and the mindset to get my life on the right path that He has chosen for me. God has broken everything that I thought i knew about love and relationships and how they work. He's slowly breaking my heart for what breaks his and opening my eyes to how real love works; the kind of love that he shows us.
I know these next few months are going to be busy and they're going to be hard, but God will never give me more then i can handle :) I've never really done a blog before but I'm really excited to be sharing my journey with anyone that wants to know about it!