When it came to the last relationship I was in, and even the one before that, I’ve had a problem with making that person my life. That’s a problem because then when their not there anymore, I’m left feeling alone and broken. That’s why in my last blog I said that God is really showing me how real love is supposed to be and how he needs to be the center of the relationship. I’m praying that the next relationship I am in, I am smart enough to remember this and that if it were to end that I would be okay. Hurt yes, obviously. But not broken down to the point of no return.
My last relationship lasted 2 and ½ years and I was dead set on the fact that I was going to marry this guy. He was my best friend and we had so much history. My family loved him and his family loved me, all our friends knew us as together and nothing else. We broke up about 5 months ago and it was one of the hardest times in my life. Letting him go was something my head told me needed to be done but something my heart refused to do. And that’s exactly what happened. I broke up with him physically, but not emotionally. I was still tied to him in every way in my heart and I couldn’t stop, even when I started seeing someone else.
I figured if I couldn’t let go of him on my own, then I was going to find someone else to make me happy. And that’s just what I did, but that hurt me more then I could have ever guessed. I picked a guy where I only saw the qualities that I didn’t see in my ex and ignored all the qualities he had that I didn’t like. He had also just got out a serious relationship, so we were both extremely stupid in starting this relationship. We hurt each other more then anyone we had ever hurt before and I think in the back of our minds, we saw it coming. We knew deep inside that we still loved the people we were with before but we were so hurt by them, that we were determined to make “us” work even if it killed us.
We ended up hurting each other and the people we loved more then we ever thought we would and we broke a lot of friendships apart as well. We no longer talk, but that’s definitely for the best. What I didn’t realize is that instead of running to another guy to try and make me feel loved and wanted, I should have been running to God. I should have been on my knees praying or God to help me through and he would have.
Throughout these past 5 months, I’ve noticed so much change in not just my life, but in myself. I’m more independent when it comes to relationships, I’m not bad at being alone anymore, and I’ve learned to really trust that God has a reason and plan for everything. I don’t worry anymore if I’m supposed to be with someone or if I’m missing my chance at my one real true love. When that guy comes, whether I know him already or not, God is not going to let us just walk away from each other; He will bring us together, one way or another. And I put my trust in that and in His power.
Relationships and love can be difficult, but God tells us how it works and how we’re supposed to love. I’m slowly realizing that and its making things so much easier J
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